This is the only piece of email that I have ever written that caused someone to call me the instant they got it and tell me to shut up. This pleases me a great deal.
To: "XXX XXXXXXXXX <XXX@XXX.us>
Subject: Re: 3 years too long
X-Shut-Up-Bob: Shut up, Bob!
X-Barry-White: My unlimited love to all y'all.
In-reply-to: Your message of "Fri, 12 Dec 1997 08:35:13 EST."
<01BD06D8.E162E7E0.XXXXX@XXXXX.XXX>
Date: Fri, 12 Dec 1997 09:41:30 -0500
From: Mike Wohlgemuth <mjw@XXX.com>
In message <01BD06D8.E162E7E0.XXXXX@XXXXX.XXX>, Drew Nolan writes:
>So, I'm kind of let down that Woogie did not realize why I have lived three
>years too long.
Oh, I realized it. I just decided to blow off responding. Actually,
I never really decided to blow of responding, I just put it off until
it seemed superfluous. Now I suppose it is not superfluous, so I am
responding. So this is my response acknowledging that I realize why
you have lived three years too long. Actually, this is my response
acknowledging that I realize why you made the statement that you have
lived three years too long, or rather that you made the statement that
you have lived three years too long the subject of your correspondence
to the dog list some days ago. So, I suppose that your statement
above is indeed correct. I do not realize why you have lived three
years too long. I am unsure why my lack of enlightenment on such
metaphysical statements would adversely affect your emotional state,
but I am willing to look into the matter of why you have lived three
years too long if it would reverse the emotional slide you have
experienced. I make no claims that my investigation will provide any
evidence on why you have lived three years too long, or even if you
have, in fact, lived three years too long, or, for that matter, why
you seem to believe that you have lived three years too long. While I
could catalog a long stream of events that have allowed you to live as
long as you have, it would only bring us to the conclusion that you
have, in fact, lived this long, but would do nothing to show that you
have lived three years too long. At best, if I could show that the
events in your life since the time of your birth are comprised of less
than three years, I could then show that you have, in fact, not lived
three years too long. (This assumes, of course, that life begins at
birth, and not conception). A large body of evidence, anecdotal and
otherwise, would seem to contradict this, however, so I do not hold
out much hope for this line of inquiry. I am not familiar with any
standard method for determining the length of one's life, other then
subtracting the time of birth from the time of death, but I assume
that this method would show that you have not lived three years too
long and would not have much impact on your emotional state when the
evidence was actually available. So it would seem that my inquiry is
at something of a standstill, and you would do well to pursue other
avenues to better your emotional state.
Thank you
Woogie